Parents be Diligent

I had sex for the first time at the age of 14. Wow, it's hard to even see that on the screen as I wrote it. You would have never guessed that in our household, the daughter was sexually active at that young age. Let me make it clear right now, this is NOT going to be a blog about me bashing my parents! If there were going to be a parent-bashing, I would be the very first parent bashed. There was something "sexual" that happened to me at a very young age, but it wasn't until I was 14 that I lost my virginity and became very sexually active. My parents had no idea. They didn't become aware until I was 17. God willing, I will write about that tomorrow. What I want to make parents aware of today is just how critical it is to be very vigilant where your daughters are concerned. And yes, your sons too. I have an only child on this earth and he is a boy, so of course I could spend much time on how to keep watchful over your sons. But today I want to focus on daughters. The night I lost my virginity, my boyfriend and I were on Audubon Park golf course. Afterwards, he said "Oh my gosh, you're bleeding!!" I freaked out and he started laughing uncontrollably. He knew what was going on but I had no clue. After he stopped laughing, he explained it to me, kinda. You would think that I would want nothing else to do with him after that cruel joke. But all the reasons that lead me to want to find what I was looking for before that event took place, kept me with him. His birth mother lived in Nashville. My parents let me board a Greyhound that summer, and go to Nashville to visit my boyfriend there at his mom's house. You will find this very hard to believe, but his mom actually fixed us a bedroom, and lit candles in the room at night before we went to bed. She should be in jail. But anyway, she worked during the day so we were also there all day by ourselves. LOTS of time in that week to do all sorts of sexual things, and we did. When school started back up, he somehow got over to my house one night and spent the entire night in my bedroom. My mother always came in my room each morning to pick out the clothes I would wear to school that day. Think of it, my mother, who loved me very much, cared enough about what I wore to pick it out for me, every day, at that age. Of course she would care about my being sexually active! Anyway, the boy was hiding right outside my bedroom window when she came in that morning, and he came back in for a few minutes after she left.
He and I used to go to basketball games there at our school, and we would find a dark hallway and just "mess around". This happened before we actually started having sex. And my church, one Friday night, had a lock-in. He came, and we found a room on another floor, and messed around... there at church!!
My point is this...parents, don't be fooled even if you think that there is NO WAY your daughter might have sex at her age! If you had told my mother, she probably would have had a hard time believing you. And no matter how nice a boy may seem, he has desires that he might not be able to control, even if he really wants to control them. Don't give them an open door! There's a girl at my church whom I've known for over a year now. She is 15 and is so very sweet. She does tell me some of the things going on in her life. Wow, there are so many peer pressures put on young people today. And yes, we all had them but it breaks my heart to hear of what young people are doing these days and calling "normal, fun or acceptable". And this young lady lives for the Lord, and she stands for Jesus! Praise the Lord! But she is tempted in so many ways to sin against her holy God. And she sees her friends, all seemingly nice girls, doing things that break the heart of the One who made them. She has a mother who is very strict on her. And the girl sometimes complains to me. But of course, as I love her and tell her that I understand her frustrations, I tell her that I support her mother 100%. And I just give little tidbits of wisdom and of God's desire for her to stay pure and holy, even as He is holy. But I know it's not easy for her. I know the fun she sees her friends having, and feels like things would be easier for her if she would just loosen up and join in. She surely wouldn't have to feel like the odd-ball out. And when you see one so sweet and struggling, you might tend to put your arm around her and in pity, give her the wrong advise. Never pity sin!! Never side with sin! Never side with Satan, even when sticking by God seems so hard and giving a girl advise to stay away from any form of sin seems like it would be so difficult for her to do. God will give her the strength. Advise her of that. Tell her straight. Don't water it down or give her any easy outs. So, you say a parent is overly hard on a child? I would rather see what this girl goes through dealing with a strict parent than grieve about those parents out there who don't take time or interest in what their children are up to, or find out what they are struggling with. So many do as I did at a point in Joshua's life, and want to be friends with their child. NEVER!! They have enough friends. And even if they have no friends, they need a parent! If you try to be friends with your child, no matter how "cool" you think you are, or how cool your child and your child's friends think you are, you are being the worst of "friends" and being a horrible parent! I can say that. My terrible parenting qualifies me to say that because I messed up in so many ways raising my son. Trying to be his friend is just one of many ways that I failed Jehovah God and failed my child. And you also are being unfaithful to Jehovah God if you try to be a friend instead of a parent to your children. And even if you only want to be a parent, as my parents did, you have to be so very diligent. You cannot take it for granted in any area of your child's life that he/she would never have any behavior like that which is out there for them to participate in. All it takes is one day, one simple and seemingly innocent activity, even a church activity! I admire this woman in my church who stands so firm in her daughter's life. On the outside, it looks as if her daughter is so deprived of having fun with her friends. And of course there's the argument that if you don't loosen up a little, that your child will run wild the first chance they get. This girl hasn't. This girl is being taught about living her life for her King! This girl is being taught that her life is not her own, that she belongs to Jesus, who paid a high price to purchase her! And she is being taught that such actions as her friends participate in dishonor the name of God. And she is being taught that there are CONSEQUENCES to sin!! And some of these consequences never leave. David was forgiven, but the sword never left his house. (2 Samuel 12:10) I praise God for this family and for the diligence of this mother. She is, with the help of God, raising a precious girl who loves the Lord, and honors Him by honoring her parents. And she honors Him with her very life, lived in front of her friends and the rest of the world. Parents, don't neglect getting in your child's face and asking the hard questions, and speaking boldly on the hard subjects! And don't be naive! DON'T! Even if a child reacts with appall at your questions, or embarrassment, or acts hurt with that, "why don't you believe me??" stuff. A child may pull all the guilt strings and make you feel that if you really trusted them, you wouldn't dare ask the questions. Baloney! Ask, probe, be relentless, because your child's very life may be at stake, or at least their innocence and purity. There is no subject that should be off limits. And if you feel that something just isn't right in your child's life, then it probably isn't. I am accountable for every single one of my actions. And my mother loved me so very much and spent much time talking about things with me, and I still lost my way for 42 years of my life. I didn't have any control over what happened to me when I was very little, but I did have control over my body at 14. And I am responsible. But looking back, there was a level of naivety on Mom's part. She trusted me too much. And she trusted that other parent in Nashville that she knew nothing about. She had a very tough time with me; I didn't make anything easy. And parents, you may have a child the same way. But, for their sake, be vigilant, be diligent, be relentless!