Murder Two Ways

We understand that abortion is murder. But what do we call it when a woman is purposefully neglectful of the life growing inside her and that neglect results in the baby's death? Do we call that murder too? When what she did was on purpose and the baby doesn't survive the actions of the mother? I believe that God calls that murder. Let me clarify and just bring it down to what He called it in my life. Murder! Because there are those who have miscarried through no fault of their own, and are rightly grieving, I want to make it perfectly clear that I am not talking about that. We've all heard stories that through the ages, women have done things like falling down stairs to try to abort their unborn child. It happens. And women have done worse things than just falling down to try to rid themselves of their unwanted baby. That is what my Lord directed me to write about today. When, where and how He leads, He always has a reason. Pray that whatever His reasons are for wanting this topic out there, that His will is done, for His glory and the good of others...maybe even saving one single life...one precious little life.
In February 1984 before my 23rd birthday, I got the news that I was hired to work nights at FedEx! I was so excited. I had two days of orientation and then would find out where I would be working in the hub. The very night that I was supposed to start I found out that I was pregnant. I had been dating this guy for a few months. And of course, sex was just a part of any relationship that I had. It didn't matter to me that God supposedly called it sin. Who cares? And I didn't care that I had already had enough trouble where sex was concerned. So what? It's all I knew. It's the way that I tried to find whatever I was looking for, and was still searching.
I called my brother Randy when I found out that I would be starting work that night pregnant. He works for FedEx also, and was a manager in the hub at the time. He said to me, "Just hope you don't get put on an imput". And guess what, that's exactly where I got put. The imput is where the containers come up to a line of belts and the employees stand on the grating in front of the containers. Whatever happens to be inside those containers has to be taken out and thrown onto the moving belts to start the process. And of course those packages and boxes come in all sizes and weights. And I knew this. At this point, before I ever even started my night, I had some choices. I could have put the life of my baby before my job. I could have gone to personnel and just asked if there were any other options for putting me in another area. There were plenty of other jobs in the hub that wouldn't require heavy lifting. I could have, at the very least, informed my manager that I was pregnant. I did NOTHING. I said NOTHING. In fact, I was so terrified of how disgusted my mother was going to be with me when she found out that I was pregnant yet again, I didn't even care about the little "inconvenience" growing inside me. Joshua had just turned 3 a few days earlier. Now here I was with a boy that I loved so much and that I would have protected with my very life. I knew the joy of motherhood. Or did I? I really don't even know how to put in words what I am trying to say. If you are a mother, you know what it feels like to have life growing inside you. You know what it feels like to give birth and to nourish and care for your baby. How can you, after that, care so little about yet another life? And if you're one who has been responsible for killing one baby and giving birth to another, how could you ever choose to kill the third? How could I choose to murder yet another precious little life? People, do you see the level of evil? Do you understand that no matter how sweet a person my look or seem, that their heart without Christ is wicked? God sees, God knows the condition of our wicked hearts. God knows our intents. He knows better than we do what our heart is like. And my heart was cold and completely without concern or love for the life growing inside me. All I could think about was that there was no way I could afford or raise another child. And I was thinking about my mom, and how totally disappointed she would be in me if she found out. I didn't care about the fact that my son had been telling me since he could talk that he wanted a baby sister. I couldn't care less about my baby growing inside my body. All I thought was "here we go again". Wow, wicked....evil, stone-cold heart. A sweet face and an evil, hard heart. So I chose to go to work and work as hard as I possibly could. I chose to pick up every heavy box I could get my hands on. And I did it all in the name of "good work ethics". My family has always been a hard-working family. Work ethics were very important. My dad has set an example, mom too, but dad has not called in sick but one time in his life, I believe. He still works at FedEx and at his age never calls in sick. So, with this facade, I was gonna give FedEx everything I had and work like they'd never seen a girl work before. And I did. When I got off work I went to the bathroom and found that I was bleeding. I went to Randy's house and he took me to the emergency room. I lost the baby that same night. I acted grieved but I was actually relieved. I called my boyfriend at some point but he didn't call me back. In fact, I never heard from him again until years later. My mother ended up finding out anyway, and yes, she was as disgusted with me as I knew she would be. I still remember that exact look on her face, at me, when she came in my bedroom later that day when I got home from the hospital. You can just imagine what kind of daughter I was with the wicked heart that I had. And you can imagine what kind of mother I was to my precious son Joshua. I didn't get saved until he was 22. But God...but GOD...can take a heart of stone and turn it into a heart of flesh and restore the years that the locust have eaten! Hallelujah!! Praise His holy name! God chose to save this wicked sinner. His grace and mercy abound to this unworthy woman! We deserve hell for our sins. And though my sins were so tremendous, even if I had been a model daughter and mother, I would still be deserving of hell. We can't compare our goodness by the standards of others who seem worse than us and think we are going to be ok with God. We have to compare ourselves to His perfect goodness, holiness, and standards. And then we see that we fall so short of the holiness of God, and are in need of a Savior. God cannot even look upon our sin, for He is holy, holy, holy. But He so graciously provided a Sacrifice for our sins in the Lord Jesus Christ.
I think maybe He wanted me to write this blog today, in part, because there are still so many girls and women out there who can fool themselves into thinking that doing something negligent to prevent the birth of their baby is somehow less of a sin than an actual abortion. I've even heard of girls starving themselves in order to try to keep their unborn child from surviving. But God knows the heart and the intent of the heart. God sees what I did to miscarry and He calls it murder. There are options. There are other choices, other than murder. Reach out because there are people who care. I care. God cares. There are organizations that help mothers to make the right choice to give life to their unborn baby. Life Choices is just one of them. There are very godly women who have dedicated their lives to serving God by serving girls who need help in making the decision to give life to their unborn child. And they offer help in ways of being there once a mother has made the choice not to abort her baby. I know a wonderful woman named Cathy who works there. Please reach out to someone. I will give my phone number to anyone who asks, and would love to help anyone who needs guidance in making the decision to give life to her baby. God cares so much. He loves you so very much, and He loves that precious life growing inside you!

Beloved, if you, like me, have already taken the life of your child, God wants you to know that there is FORGIVENESS! There is cleansing. There is healing, all at the cross of Jesus Christ. He died for that sin and for all of your sins. He lives now and forever! He wants to be the Lord of your life. He is offering you forgiveness this very day, this very minute! Confess your sins to Him. Repent and be forgiven, have all your sins and filthiness washed away by the precious blood of Jesus Christ! He paid the price for you. You don't have to carry around the burden of this sin, or any other sin in your life. He is ready to forgive you. He will take all your filthy sins and nail them to the cross, and He will take those sins and cast them away from you as far as the east if from the west. He will, through His precious blood, take your scarlet sins and make them white as snow. If you die without Christ, you will go to hell. Beloved, I can hardly bear the thought you going to hell and having to remember for all eternity those sins against a holy God, and remember your baby forever and ever. That kind of torture is almost unthinkable, but that is exactly what will happen if you die without Christ. If I had not been saved, and died without Christ, that is exactly what would have happened to me and exactly what I would have deserved. God is just, He is holy and righteous in His judgement of sin. But the wonderful news is that He loves you so much that He sent His own precious Son down here to die on the cross, a very violent death, so that you can have forgiveness right now. Jesus loves you so much that He was willing to come and die for you so that you can be forgiven and live with Him forever. Sin has to be paid for. And you will live eternally with your Lord who paid that price for you. And you will live forever and ever, worshipping God, together with your baby!! You may be separated from your baby on this earth, but you will live with that precious one for all eternity, if you will only turn your life over to Jesus. Do it now. Tell him of your sins. It's repentance, and it's necessary. We have to first realize that we are sinners and have sinned against a holy God. And then ask Him to forgive you, and come into your life. Tell Him just how bad you've messed up. He knows anyway, but He wants you to come to grips with it, humble yourself and confess it to Him. He is faithful. He will forgive you and He will restore you. He will give you a new heart and a new life, a life of such unspeakable gratitude to your King. And you will want to tell the whole world of His love. And you will want to faithfully serve the One who died for you. And you will forever sing His praises! Beloved come to the cross. He is waiting for you there, even now!