Noseprints in the Carpet

I wrote a couple of days ago about spiritual checks. Once we start to develop a consistent prayer life and time with our Lord, Satan will do anything to keep us from continuing it. In fact, if he has his way, we won't even realize when it is starting to slip or fade. I know I am fading away from my Lord by the nose prints in my carpet! Sounds silly, doesn't it? But it's so true! I live alone, and have no pets. Joshua rarely gets to come over because of our work schedules. So, I'm the only one ever on my carpet. That means that I really don't have to vacuum more than a couple of times a month. Keeping a clean house is easier when you are the only one messing it up! And for those busy moms with a house full of people and animals, who are shooting daggers at me right now, just know that your time is coming when housework will be easier. And if you go through empty nest feelings, you may actually even long for a crazy, messy house again. Who knows? But for me, at this point in my life, it's just me, so it's not even bragging that my little place stays somewhat clean. Back to my point. I spend time with my Savior in many ways. I pray in many places at many times. And they are all precious. But there is nothing in the world like being prostate before Jehovah God. I long to humble myself to Him. I tend to struggle so much with pride and a stubborn heart. And a selfish heart, I might add. I also struggle with being too lazy and sluggish and tired to want to get flat on my face before my Lord. Some days my back hurts so bad that I know it won't be easy at all to get up because my back won't cooperate. Excuse after excuse after EXCUSE! So wicked and selfish and just down-right stupid! This is the Lord of life and glory!! This is the One who chose me before the foundations of the world! (Ephesians 1:4) This is the One who has been so very gracious to me, more than I can ever put into words or ever repay. How can I be so hard-hearted? And I didn't even give you the entire list of my excuses not to be on my face before my God in praise, prayer, intercession and supplication. My Master humbled Himself, came to this earth to suffer and die FOR ME! Beloved, He did it for you too! So what reason in the entire world could keep me off my face, thanking Him?
I went for many years, before being saved, hardly shedding a tear. My heart was so cold and hard. But now that I have been redeemed by the precious blood of Jesus Christ my Savior, He has softened my heart so very much, just as He promised. (Ezekiel 11:19-20) And it amazes me how much I cry now. God is so faithful in changing my heart. And I cry more in prayer when on my face than any other time. It's true. And it's GOD. And I think I may know why, to some extent. When I prostrate myself before the Lord, I am immediately more humbled than at any other time. And I see so clearly when flat on my face, that I am in the throne room of Almighty God. Instantly the praise comes flowing out of such an unworthy heart. I am so unworthy! I know that God gives me His heart in prayer. I know that I am enabled in prayer by the faithful Holy Spirit, who helps me to pray. (Romans 8:26-27) I know that I am praying God's very heart back to Him. The prayer starts in heaven and returns back to Him. So it's God's heart that is being given to me. It's not me, for I am not capable. God places things on my heart to pray to Him about. And it just seems that whether it is praise, seeking forgiveness, interceding for someone else, or anything else that He puts on my heart, the tears flow. Whether it's joy or grief and heartbreak, it makes no difference. Sometimes it's pleading at the throne room of grace and mercy for some one's salvation (which is a very important part of my prayers). How can the tears not flow? Read Matthew 23:37-39 for Jesus' heart. So, when I am crying while on my face, it leaves nose prints in the carpet. When my prayers are cold, there are no tears at all...just cold thoughtless prayers. And don't get me wrong, not every prayer comes with tears. Not at all. But for me, when I am in right relationship, right communion with my Lord, and I pray for His heart during prayer, many times the tears naturally flow. I have a whole lot of years of hard-hardness to make up for and God has chosen to bless me with tender tears. I praise Him for that. So that is my barometer, if you will, on where I am in my walk with my Master. And when I don't see nose prints in the carpet, I know I have been away from my Lord to some extent, and know it is time to humble myself to Him and pray for His grace to bring me back. It may be something completely different for you. But if you are a child of God and have developed such time with your Lord, then He wants you to have a barometer also. Pray and ask Him how you can know when you first start to slack off from where He has so graciously brought you to in your walk with Himself. Don't let Satan get a foothold! Don't be mistaken though, once saved, always saved! You can't ever slip out of His hand. And the reason is because you're not holding onto Him, He is holding onto you!! (John 10:28) But we can backslide, whether it's a big backsliding or just falling away from our prayer life and bible reading and time with our Lord. So develop a check system with your Master and King. And if you find yourself fading from that, or realize that you are not growing in the grace and knowledge of your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,(2 Peter 3:18) then immediately take it to the throne room and plead for His grace to bring you back. He is faithful and will do it.

Lonely? Never Alone!

A couple of years ago on a Friday morning at church a lady said something about loneliness. She has a husband, children at home, is a care-giver for another family member, and has a job outside the home. A full house, if you will. I imagine she doesn't get much time to herself. I can't quote verbatim, but she was very dogmatic in what she said. She stated that if you are a child of Jesus, you should never feel lonely. Period. End of comment, no exceptions mentioned, just period. WOW!! That statement broke my heart. And what broke my heart about it is the fact that it is totally and completely untrue! I was unfaithful to my Lord because I didn't pull her aside and talk to her about it. I was too terrified, but none-the-less, unfaithful to what my Lord so obviously called me to do. So let me talk on it today. I want to tell you why that is such a dangerous thing to say. By God's grace, I am secure in my relationship with my Lord. I know that when those feelings of loneliness come, it is not because I am not walking with my God, my Husband and Friend. But if a babe in Christ heard that, who happens to experience loneliness first-hand, Satan could use that statement in so many ways against God and against them. Think about how he would jump on that opportunity! He could try to convince that person that Jesus doesn't care about them because if they are lonely, surly it means that Jesus doesn't REALLY love them. He could tell them that they aren't truly saved, otherwise they wouldn't be having those feelings. He could tell them that they are wasting their time trying to do the Christianity thing. He could so easily hinder their walk with Christ, and even cause them to doubt whether Jesus sees or even cares at all about their feelings of being so alone. Even I had to do a mental and spiritual double-take after she said it. And of course it didn't take but a split second for my faithful God the Holy Spirit to let me know the truth, HIS truth. But what about a new-born child of Christ?
I have feelings of loneliness. It is one of the areas of my life that God has used to bring me into a closer relationship with Himself. My son is grown and gone. I'm just now starting to reconnect with family after years of separation. I don't date, not at all. I've never once been out on a date with a Christian man. God is in control of that and He is good always! (In fact, I have a feeling that He will lead me to write about being single and about the walk of a single godly woman with her heavenly Husband.) I don't socialize at all. Like I've said, I have such a fear of people. But God so graciously is changing that and growing me and showing me that it is time for me to come out of hiding from the world and be available for Him to put people in my path. He can't very well put people in my path if I don't come out from hiding under the bed! Amen? But these years have provided many opportunities of loneliness. I know even that can be a gift from God, and will only last as long as He decides, at the level that it has been. God could have, at any second, changed me entirely, completely, and drug me out from under my bed and put a SLEW of people in my life! Right? God can do anything! And He is the Sovereign of my life. I have long since given my life to Him to do with as He pleases. He could have changed the loneliness YEARS ago. He didn't. He could have healed my puppy, Aaron, my heart and little bundle of joy and companionship when he was mauled by another dog and died two days later on March 10, 2008. He chose not to, and I praised Him even through that tremendous pain. Yes, I have many feelings of loneliness in my life. And Beloved, I praise Him for every single feeling of loneliness, because it drove me to my Savior's tender, loving arms. It still does. And it is one of the most precious feelings in my intimacy with my Husband and God when loneliness is so thick I have to brush it away to be able to see my Lord's face. Actually, the truth is, I don't brush it away at all, HE does. His gentle touch. He takes my chin and lifts my face to see the One who loves me more than I can fathom. And He holds me so close, and cradles me as I sob. And He speaks so softly to me as He tells me that He understands, and how very much He loves me. And He reminds me that He is ALWAYS right there with me. He sees me. He looks upon me, and even sees into the depths of my heart and knows every ounce of my pain of being alone. Then the loneliness subsides, there in the arms of my Jesus! Oh Jesus, You are so good to me, Your grace and love ABOUND in my life! (Even now, just thinking and writing about it, the tears of gratitude are flowing from my heart and down my face.) Don't ever try to convince me that God doesn't allow loneliness to come sometimes in the life of a child of His. I believe with all my heart that He does, in some form or another, some level or another, at some time or another in every life that belongs to Him. And I know that loneliness comes in different forms. You can have a spouse and at times feel as if you would rather experience the feeling of being alone rather than deal with the feeling of loneliness you have, even though that person is in the same bed, or sitting beside you on the couch, or beside you at church. You can be young, still living at home with a house full of family members and feel lonely and invisible. You can be an only child and feel deep pains of loneliness and lack of companionship. You can be elderly and experience such tremendous isolation and loneliness, and a feeling that nobody cares. Or you can attend every event the church offers and be around a slew of people and the loneliness doesn't subside. You can work at a job where you are surrounded by people all day long and feel lonely. Loneliness comes in many forms but there is only One True God, who sees you and feels your pain. He cares! He loves you so much! Beloved, He might not want to take away that pain. It's one of the greatest catalysts God uses to draw us to Himself. He uses it to draw unbelievers to the foot of the cross. He uses every form of pain, loneliness just being one of them. He uses pain to make a child of His more and more like their Savior. And think about it. What if I never knew loneliness in my walk with Christ, and I was the one who made that statement she made, or God forbid, had verbally agreed with her! I praise God for EVERY kind of pain He puts in my life, and you just have to trust me for now that I have many different kinds. But praise God, He doesn't waste a single one of them. He has a purpose and a plan to use that pain for His glory, for the good of others and my good. If I want to be used by God, how can I be of any use at all if I never go through the trials of life? I would be a spiritual prig, as Spurgeon would say. NEVER, Lord. Please bring whatever pain you have to in my life for me to be used by You for Your children, Your kingdom, gospel, Your honor, and Your glory. Thank You oh God, for whatever that looks like in my life! Jesus, oh Jesus, please bring the rain!

Spiritual Checks

Child of God, where are you in your intimacy with your Master? It is only Satan who would love for us to stay ignorant of our level of intimacy with the One who died for us. Our Savior's desire is that we will cultivate the closest of relationships with Him. He wants to be, and has a right to be, our Everything, our All in All. And He wants for us to develop ways to recognize where we are in our relationship with Him. He is our heavenly Husband, our Best Friend who sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24) He is our Shepherd. (Psalm 23) Satan would have us think that it's not even necessary to stay aware of where we are in our walk with Christ. That is a lie. It's not enough that we check Jesus off of our spiritual daily checklist like we would check items off our grocery list while shopping. Jesus isn't something we do. Prayer isn't just something we try to accomplish in the morning and evening. My son admitted to me the other day that he hasn't always understood what it meant when I would often say to him, "Spend time with your Lord today. Spend time with your Captain today and get your marching orders before stepping out your front door. Spend time with your Master today and find out how He wants to use you. Just spend time with Jesus today". He said he understood reading His bible, understood prayer, but couldn't quite get his mind around what it meant to "spend time" with Someone he couldn't see, touch, or physically hear. Can you relate to that? I can. Every child of God, at some point early in their walk with the Lord, has to grapple with that. And it can tend to be a struggle. We understand one on one conversations with flesh and blood, skin and bones, eyes and ears. We think only in the realm of what we can see, touch, hear with our physical ear, verbal back and forth conversation, physical hugs and smiles. How do you "spend time" and even go so far as to proclaim "intimacy" with Someone whom you don't see or touch or hear with your physical being? I'll tell you how Joshua learned it. He took his confusion and his desire to understand, and to have such "time" with his Master, directly to the throneroom of the One Who spoke and created the heavens and the earth, the One who created him, Jehovah God, very God of very God! And what is so AWESOME, so cool, is that not only does Jesus want us to have that wonderful, nothing-compares-to-it relationship with Himself, HE will give it to you!! He will do it! Is that not incredible? Think about it, HE will show you and teach you, through the Holy Spirit, how to love Him and become more intimate with Himself! That is so powerful, isn't it? Think of this. When we have feelings for someone and we want them to love us, adore us, or even treat us how we want to be treated, how often do we TEACH them how to do this? Especially us females, we know what we want, know what we like, and know what we expect, and then just sit back and wait for them to figure it out. Whether it be a boyfriend, spouse, family member, friend, we can tend to act this way. We are so bad about keeping it bottled up when someone isn't treating us or loving us the way we want. We act like everything is fine, and even say, "I'm fine", the whole time thinking that they are morons for not figuring out what we want. I've been there. And of course, if we are children of God, we should never act this way, but it happens. So here you have the King of all kings and Lord of all lords, the Lord of life and glory. He desires AND deserves our love, devotion, adoration, worship, thoughts, time, desires, longings, He wants and deserves our all. And the cool thing is that HE gives us the ability to give ourselves completely to Him. We don't do it, we CAN'T do it, we're not capable. He is. And He doesn't just sit back and watch us struggle on how to love Him, and get huffy when we can't figure it out. He shows us and teaches us and HE cultivates it, if only we will ask Him to, and then be willing to give ourselves to Him. And beloved, even the desire to love Him and know Him comes from Him! If left to ourselves, we would never want Him or desire Him. Even that is a gift from God straight to His children. Is that not awesome? Take the desires that He has placed in your heart, through the Holy Spirit, to the throneroom. Tell Jesus that you long for the intimate relationship that He designed for you to have, and He will honor that prayer, and answer that prayer in ways that will blow you away with joy and gratitude. And be ready to be obedient to whatever He calls you to in this relationship with Almighty God! Your obedience is key! Then watch it grow! It will amaze you. It will humble you, as it did me and Joshua, that He would count you worthy of Himself, when we are so very unworthy of His love. All His holiness, all His beauty, all His love and grace, all His tenderness, His truth...all of Him, a relationship like you never knew was possible! Do it today, don't wait. It is too important and will be life-changing, I promise. Praise be to the King!

Laid low by God

I got up from the floor two hours ago thinking I had God's heart on what I would write today. I instantly thought of a verse I wanted to use, but couldn't remember exactly where it was in the bible. I knew Paul had said it. I thought I could easily find it...and then...God laid me low. God broke my heart today. It's exactly what I always pray for Him to do...crush me, bend me, break me, mold me...whatever it takes, Adoni. And He is faithful to always answer that pray when and where needed. I never see it coming. Ok, sometimes I know a direction where He seems to be leading me in my growth. But I am often blindsided when He has to break my heart so completely. And if I am blindsided, there is nobody to blame but myself. God is so tender and gentle with His children when it's not necessary to hurt us. He will never do something to us that is not 100% holy, pure, righteous, just, perfect, for His glory and our good. He knows just what He has to do to us to make us more and more like His precious Son. And today, He had to pull the spiritual rug out from under me. Let me give you some background: When I was saved in 2003, my job allowed me a tremendous amount of my day in reading His word and listening to sermons on the radio. You see, back then, when you were a "driver", you sat in your truck and were ready to work when the work became available. I delivered aircraft parts from our dock over to the hub, to the aircraft mechanic. (FedEx) So, I was doing my job to be at the dock, in my truck, waiting my turn to deliver. What a blessing because God gave me that time, when waiting, to be in His word. We could sometimes go for 3 or 4 hours without a part coming to the dock. And even if I did deliver a part, when I got back I could wait another hour or 2 for my turn to come back around. So, I spent that time faithfully reading His word. And even when I had to drive over to the hub, I would listen to Bott radio and hear all the sermons from all the wonderful preachers that I love so much like John MacArthur. I am a walking sermon!! I've probably heard 500 sermons in the last 6 1/2 years. Work wasn't the only time I read my bible, but it was a huge chunk of it. Then things at work changed and I started working inside the warehouse more and have very little time to read and cannot pick up the radio stations inside the warehouse. I can't even pick up K-Love. My time in the word is limited, for the most part, to whatever time I devote to it at home. And I have thought that I've been pretty faithful in that area. Since April 2003, I have read through my different bibles, different translations (each one is a study bible) several times. And I have a commentary book that I use alongside my bibles. And I have my daily devotional books that I also read faithfully. So Ms. Extremely Blessed and Highly Favored Spiritually had to get knocked off her high horse today. I have spent the last several months preaching to my son about how it is CRITICAL, in so many ways for so many reasons, for him to be in his bible, DAILY, FAITHFULLY, because God is showing him so many ways in which He wants to use him, and expects Joshua to be faithful in, at the very least, reading his bible. I can and probably will, at some point, spend an entire day on why it is so important to read your bible daily. We love to talk about gifts from God! TIME...time is a gift from God! How do we spend our time that He so graciously gives us? Anyway, I pretty much dismissed the thought that God wanted to grow ME further in how to study and apply His word. I thought I was on the right track. Yes, I've bought MacArthur's Scripture memory cards, but so what that I just haven't been very faithful in sticking with it? What's your point?! I read my bible! God, look at how wonderful I do in other areas! If someone speaks something that is not the truth, I know it instantly because I know my bible and pray to be filled with wisdom and discernment always. Just last night, I was talking to my son, AGAIN, on reading his bible and when he does, he needs to keep a pad and pen handy. Every verse that he comes across that he feels will be important in ministering to the people God has put in his path, write it down. And write down those passages that are so loved. Write down who said it, keep separate sheets with the person's name on top, like Paul or John. Do a quick-reference sheet. Do sheets on different topics. GREAT advise, Dana, Mom. But Dana, have YOU followed that advise in ALL THESE YEARS! What about the fact that you can say to someone "The bible says" but you can't, in most cases say "Galatians 5:9 says, or Deut.18:13 says". Beloved, that is CRITICAL! Reading your bible daily is critical but being able to direct someone who is seeking something from God, to the exact passage, is more than critical in preaching, teaching and sharing the gospel. It helps for them to be able to see it, to read it for themselves. There's nothing like seeing God's spoken word, spoken directly to someone, when one reads a passage for themselves. What good does it do a doubter for me to say.."Well, the bible says it...somewhere." How unfaithful, so extremely unfaithful I have been not to commit His word to memory!! Oh God, OH GOD, forgive me...forgive me, Lord! I have been so callous, so hard hearted, so prideful that I have read through your word so many times. But I haven't spent the time to write it, by memory, on the tablet of my heart and mind, completely. God, I give you ALL my time....all of it! I don't have to watch the news every evening. I don't have to take that second hot bath of the day just because it feels so good. Since I cry many tears, proclaiming how much I want to be used by You, then take all my time, build me up in Your truths, bless me in the ability to put Your Holy Scripture to memory. And if I forget this day and this prayer, lay me low again! WHATEVER it takes, Adoni. Make me nothing, but grow me in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Thank You, Abba. I kiss The hand that wounds me.

Changed heart, changed motto

I want to share my old motto. In one sense, it's hard for me to admit. But in the most important sense, it is a true joy to speak of, and would even shout it from the mountaintops if possible. First let me say that I think it is so very critical for us to be willing to swallow our wicked pride, banish it actually, never wanting or allowing it to return. I still struggle with pride. It was the sin of pride that was first found in Satan. (Read Isaiah 14:12-14, Ezekiel 28:12-17, 1Tim.3:6) It is pride in me, and also fear, that keeps me from shouting to the heavens of all the evil things God delivered me from....all the sins He brought me out of. Hallelujah, praise God! But how can I praise Him if I'm too afraid to speak of His mercy...wonderful mercy on me, if I won't open my mouth about where I've been, and the sins I've come from? He deserves so much more than I could ever give Him. He is worthy of so much more than the little praise that I can offer. But what I am and what I have come from and the life that He now, by His grace, allows me to live is a testimony to Him! So, as I live this life, do I really want to hide my past transgressions against a holy God from the world when telling of them would bring glory to the One who is worthy of all honor and praise? And do I want to stay in fear of what people will think, say, and how they will react? I love to read the Psalms. And for the subject of my fear, this one is perfect. Psalm 27:1 reads: (NKJV) "The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?". WOW, is that not spoken from Jehovah God directly to me? I've already admitted in a previous post of my tremendous fear of people. But God speaks so plainly to me. And Beloved, He speaks to you too. He knows your fears, just as He knows mine. But with His strength I will proclaim His goodness of all the ways He so graciously delivered me from my past, from all my sins that are now covered by the precious blood of Jesus Christ! How many other people in this world, who struggle with the sins that I've been delivered from, could be blessed by God if only I would be willing to let them know that there is HOPE in Jesus. There is FORGIVENESS and healing that is offered to the world through the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Please read Isaiah 53. He did it all, suffered it all...all for you and all for me. Jesus DIED for your sins, for my sins. (Romans 5:8) If you are truly seeking forgiveness and salvation, just know that there are NO sins to great to be forgiven. God wants us to bring all of our filthiness and fall down before Him, admit our sin and our need for a Savior, and ask Jesus to forgive us. REPENTANCE! It starts with repentance! It starts with realizing our sin, sins against a holy God. (Romans 3: 10-18 and 3:23) Then acknowledging those sins and a need for His forgiveness, offered through Jesus Christ. (Romans 10:9 and 10:13) And Beloved, God loves to forgive, loves to save...even you, even me. Read 2 Peter 3:9. He doesn't want you to go to hell. And once He saves us, He leaves us here to do His work, for His kingdom, honor and glory. He wants ME to do His will. And how can I ever truly speak of His goodness and mercy in my life if I'm not willing to admit what sins He so graciously and mercifully delivered me from? How can others, who struggle with the same sins, ever hear of hope in Jesus if I don't proclaim it? But don't be mistaken, God will save whom He will save. It will just be that He will give someone else the tremendous blessing of being the one who was an instrument for another's salvation, a tool, if you will. It's one of many areas of life down here on this earth where we will be rewarded by Jesus, at the (Bema) Judgement Seat of Christ with crowns to cast at His feet. Another reward for our faithfulness to Jesus down here on this earth will be a greater capacity to worship Him in heaven for all time and eternity! So with that in mind, why wouldn't I be willing to speak always of all the things, and all the areas of deliverance that God gave me. God, please deliver me from such pride and wickedness, and such fear.
So here was my old motto: "I hate everybody and everything!!!" That was it, my life's motto before salvation. And I truly meant it with all my wicked, cold, hard heart. I said it every single day of my sinful life. Hate was a factor of how I lived. But God....BUT GOD...BUT GOD!!! Oh how I love those two words "but God"..saved me, changed me! (Ezekiel 11:19-20) Hallelujah, praise His holy Name! I was baptized 6 months after salvation. It was a time when our church wasn't doing baptisms in front of the whole body. There were only a handful of people present, most of whom were the family of a 6 year old boy, the only other person being baptised that night. God is good, and knew my fear of being in front of even one other person. But He gave me the strength, before those few, to speak of God's mercy and graciousness on my life. I was already so very aware, even 6 short months into my salvation, of the fact that He had changed my heart of stone. That's what I testified to before being immersed in the water! I still proclaim the Ezekiel passage, because He continues, day by day, to soften this once heart of total stone, and work it with His skillful, loving hands, into a heart of flesh! And this heart of flesh now loves to sing the praises of my great God and Savior. All honor and glory to Him, now and forever more!! Amen

Started with a milkshake: Gratitude to God

When my son Joshua was 9 (he is now 28) he had to learn a lesson that almost 20 years later God would use to bring him to a point of unending gratitude for the Lover of his soul. I gave birth to Joshua when I was only 19 and was divorced when he was still a baby. So Joshua and I literally grew up together. And I didn't get saved until he was 22. I lived my life and raised my son as a very sinful, wicked woman far from God. I will be posting, I'm pretty sure, about those things in the future. So far I just get on my face before starting to write, and ask God what He wants to say through me that day. So today it's about gratitude. There will be other days to tell of all the ways that I am a new creation in Christ Jesus!! (2 Cor. 5:17) Hallelujah! But today it is about having a grateful heart. My son has given his blessing on anything the Holy Spirit leads me to write concerning him. Joshua only wants anything and everything about his life to point to the Savior, and how gracious and merciful He is to him. Joshua and I have, over the last several days, had tender conversations about God's perfect goodness and grace in our lives. So here's the story. It's a good one.
I didn't have a lot of money raising my son. We were always on a tight budget. This was before my gambling addiction (yes, gambling addiction) when we had to count every penny because I didn't earn very much. One day I decided that we needed a treat so we went to Baskin Robbins for a milkshake. I ordered us both medium milkshakes(probably pralines & cream and cookies & cream, for those who instantly wondered). My normally sweet and thankful child was not at all pleased with my choice of sizes. And it must have been something above and beyond a little glimpse of disappointment for me to react the way I did. I didn't give him his milkshake. I held onto it all the way home and when we got there he watched in horror as I poured the whole thing down the drain. The hurt in his little eyes pierced me deeply, deep, deep down in my soul. So much so that I still remember how my heart hurt so bad seeing his pain. But that didn't deter me from sticking to my guns. My child that I loved so much had to be taught a lesson on gratitude. He wasn't mad at me, not in the least, he was hurt. I've never forgotten that pain on his face and apparently he never forgot the feeling, or the lesson.
Fast forward 20 years. His heavenly Father has been so very gracious to him, giving him exceeding abundantly more than he could ever ask or imagine(Ephesians 3:20) more than he could ever deserve, for he, like all of us, are so unworthy of such a great and perfect love. (read John 3:16) God has been growing Joshua in the grace and knowledge of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:17-18) God is making him into a man after His own heart. God has blessed him in so many ways. God's blessings ABOUND in Joshua's life, and I'm not talking about prosperity gospel blessings. These are real blessings from the One True God. And then, not long ago, Joshua was faced with a "no" answer from his Lord, for something he really wanted to do. It was an activity at the church that Joshua wanted to attend but was scheduled to work. He prayed that if it was God's will, he would be able to get the night off work to be at church for this special event. It seemed like such a simple request, something that God would SURELY want to answer with a resounding "Yes, of course! ". But God's answer was "No, My child". Joshua was instantly hurt and disappointed and called to share his pain with the one person on this earth that hurts when he hurts. But I didn't hurt for him. I understood, but I didn't feel for him the way he, at the time, wanted me to. Instead, I lovingly pointed out to him all of God's wonderful blessings and all of God's gracious "Yeses". After a long conversation, I instructed him the way I always do and always will.."take it to the throneroom, Honey". And so he did. It has become second nature to him now to take all things to the throneroom of grace and mercy. Our very next conversation, my son was singing the praises of his great God and Father and praising Him even for the "no" answers. God so lovingly, when Joshua humbled himself to the will of the perfect sovereign Jehovah, gave him a heart of Jesus on understanding His goodness and blessings always, in all circumstances. Even when we don't understand..ESPECIALLY when we don't understand, that is when grace abounds, when we humble ourselves to the sovereign hand of the One who died for us! We don't deserve such blessings...we deserve hell. But He chose to give us LIFE ETERNAL! And He wants us to spend our lives here on this earth in complete devotion to Him, and a result of that will be a life of total service to our Master and King. That means not complaining about what we don't have or what we don't get but being thankful and showing it with our very lives. Something I love to say to my Master is this: "Jesus, not lip service but LIFE service". Joshua told me that one of the most profound things the Lord so graciously and compassionately showed him during his humble prayer of wanting the right heart about His "no" was that he would be better off to go ahead and be grateful now rather than GOD having to take and pour out his milkshake!! We praise you, our Father, even for your "No's".

Use me, Lord

I know I must sound like a broken record to my Master. "Use me, Lord. Use me, Master. Use me, oh my Captain, whatever it takes, whatever You have to do to me, only use me for Your glory". But I think that is one broken record that the Lord delights to hear from His own. Then the question comes..once He answers that prayer and really starts to use me, in His way, His will, whatever He decides, did I really mean it? The past 5 1/2 years or so, weeping before my Lord, asking Him if I will EVER be of any use to Him, and knowing that if I died at this point, well, I couldn't shake the feeling that I may not hear "Well done, thou good and faithful servant". Was it because I wasn't being used much during those years, or was it that I was in "soak", as Oswald Chambers puts it, before the Lord, Him using that time to grow me and prepare me? And you know what conclusion I've come to? It is not that He didn't use me during those years. I think my feelings were coming from a sense that the things He DID call me to, small as they were, yet still they were marching orders from my King, I knew I wasn't being faithful in the little things because I thought being used by the Lord looked more important! And so almost every single little thing that He gave me to do, I dismissed it, because of a prideful, wicked heart, as just being my simple conscience of silly little things that didn't amount to a hill of beans, and thus being so very disobedient to Jehovah God. I will say that I have always, as long as I can remember, been terrified of people. That is not an understatement, truly terrified!! If I could live on an island all by myself, and my son could come visit me, I would have considered that the biggest blessing in the world. (of course my gracious God has changed my heart on even that) But with my fear of people aside, I didn't trust my Lord to be my Strength and Overcomer. I didn't trust Him enough to take care of me when He put people in my path. So, I CHOSE to disobey Him for the longest time when it came to the jobs He gave me to do. But our God is SO VERY gracious! How thankful I am that He didn't cast me aside and leave me alone. He continued to use that time of "soak" to grow me, strengthen me in HIS strength, change me, mold me, and make me into a warrior for His kingdom, honor and glory, to the glory of God our Father. And He is far, far from finished! It is GRACE! I love that word....grace. Everything He is molding me to be is only possible because of WHO He is...His mighty attributes. It is nothing of me. And so He has been blessing me with giving me more of His kingdom work to do. And I still fail Him so miserably at times. And I have to stick so very close to my Shepherd. I don't like taking one single tiny step that's not in step with Him. It's so dangerous when I try to step in the places where His feet have not been in leading me on the path He has set before me. He will always lead, and give the instruction: "follow Me". He never tells me to go on ahead of Him and just do the best job I can at cutting out my own path. And so I keep my eyes on my Lord, not looking or turning from Him to the right or to the left. And I get giddy, truly, when He gives me more to do. And it never ceases to amaze me that when He puts an actual person in my path to minister to, that He gives me His courage to approach and to do His will...His words, for His glory! Thank You, Jesus, my Love, my All.
We were handed out something in church a few weeks ago. It says that the author is unknown but believed to be a young pastor in Zimbabwe who was martyred for his faith. I have put this on my refrigerator and have been reading it before I start my day. It's so powerful, and it is exactly what I want my life to be for my Master and King. It reads:
I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit's power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made-I'm a disciple of His.
I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity.
I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded.
I now live by faith, lean in His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer, and I labor with power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifices, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me...my banner will be clear." Amen, my Captain, my God.

Nothing without You

As the tears are still fresh on my face..."Take these hands and lift them up, for I have not the strength to praise You near enough. See, I have nothing, I have nothing without You. Take my voice and pour it out. Let it sing the songs of mercy I have found, for I have nothing, I have nothing without You. All my soul needs is all your love to cover me so all the world will see that I have nothing without You. Take my body and build it up. May it be broken as an offering of love. For I have nothing, I have nothing without You. All my soul needs is all Your love to cover me so all the world will see that I have nothing, but I love You, with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and all the strength that I can find. Take my time here on this earth. Let it glorify all that You are worth. For I am nothing, I am nothing, without You." recorded by Bebo Norman, but also sung by me, to my King, when on my face, praying to the Lord of life and glory.
Sometimes I'm guilty of running in and out of the presence of Jehovah God. Last night I had the night off work because I had a training class in the afternoon. I was able to go to church, which is very rare on a Wednesday night. My son Joshua teaches 4th grade at Shockwave there at Central Church. Last night was the first time I've gotten to hear him teach children older than five years. And my niece's son, Grant, who is seven, whom I haven't seen in many years before last Sunday, also came with Joshua. It was a glorious night. God's blessings abound! So many sad people in America, when you talk about God's blessings, immediately think of money, successful business, good health, big homes, no troubles or hardships. It breaks my heart. But this is not the day for that discussion. I only want to say that God's blessings come in many forms, for He is a BIG GOD! The blessings that He has been giving to me have nothing to do with the prosperity gospel. His blessings on my life reach so far greater than that. Getting back to my point, after a wonderful, God-blessed night last night, I went to bed hardly even thanking Him for it. And I certainly didn't take the time to ask Him how I can give these blessings back to Him. I didn't thank Him enough, I didn't love Him enough, I didn't praise Him near enough. I didn't reflect on those blessings and seek His face on whom to pass them along. I didn't ask Him to start my day tomorrow in being a blessing to someone else. I didn't confirm to Him on just how very unworthy I am in all the ways He makes His face to shine upon me...and how often He reveals His glory to me! Oh how often I pray to know my Master more, and how often He answers that prayer, in ways exceeding abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine! But oh how short I fall in remembering to thank Him. And I forget so often to ask Him to whom He has planned and wants to give me the honor and blessing of revealing Himself. Jesus doesn't reveal Himself to me and give me so much of Himself only for me to sit back and high-five with Him on just how much I know Him and know about Him, how much I see of Him and how closely He wants to be with me. My relationship with my heavenly Husband is very intimate, but He wants me to take that relationship, and share Him with others..those who don't know Him and even those who do. Not every child of His walks as closely to Him. It is only by His grace that I do. It is surely nothing of any merit of mine own. Do I ask Him to put those people in my path, knowing that He wants them to know the King that I serve, and to be told how much He loves them? How selfish it is of me to have been given a tremendously wonderful relationship with the King of kings and Lord of lords, the Lord of life and glory, and not want someone else to have the blessing of that same kind of relationship with Him. It's available! He's available! Do I make that known? Oh great God and Savior, it's why you leave me here on this earth! You have told me.."Feed My sheep, feed My lambs. Go and make disciples. Tell of the great and wonderful things the Lord has done for you". How often I fail you, my Master, my Friend!
Yes, there are times, like this morning, when I feel as if I never want to leave the place where I am, on my face, in the throneroom of Jehovah, Lord of heaven and earth! I want to linger there. I feel as if I just can't leave His presence! And yes, the Lord is with me always...all day, every day. And I pray to Him all throughout the day..like breathing in and breathing out. I commune with my Master and my Captain constantly. And I know that these prayers that I pray continually bring me into the presence of God. But I'm talking about the times that I get on my face, turn off Klove, tune all the other thoughts of the world out, and just BE...there with my Savior and my God. Prayers prayed with the aid of the Holy Spirit inside me. The prayers that start from heaven and go back up to Him...a sweet smelling aroma. The place where I praise His name. He is holy, holy, holy! He is worthy! The place where I confess my wicked sins. I agree with God about my sins. I lay them at the feet of Jesus and turn from them there. I pray and ask Him to make me broken bread and poured out wine for His glory.... crush me, break me, whatever it takes to make me into a woman after Your own heart. I am so unworthy, Lord, but I always was and always will be! I am nothing! And if I ever think that I am something, make me nothing, whatever it takes, so You can use me, Lord, for Your kingdom, honor and glory! Only glorify Your holy Name!!
"I love you, Lord. And I lift my voice, to worship You. Oh my soul rejoice!! Take joy my King, in what you hear. Let it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear."

Satan never misses an opportunity

Satan has heard my prayers over the last 4 years or so concerning writing. I didn't know how I would write, what I would write, what forum, what outlet...what anything. I only knew I had a desire to do so. And Satan has spent a lot of time over the years laughing at me, and telling me all the reasons why I could never or would never. Yet I waited on the Lord. I trusted in the Lord that if He was the One who had placed the desire in my heart to write, then He would bring it to fruition, in His way, His timing, for His glory. But Satan loves to play on my doubts, fears, and weaknesses. Any true child of the King can just imagine how he has been working on me ever since yesterday when I started this blog. And so, I have done the only thing I should do at a time when the doubts and fears come...I take it to the throneroom of Jehovah God. By the way, I love teaching my Sunday kindergarten kids about all the ways to pray to, and praise God. We get on our knees sometimes, we lift our hands sometimes, we bow our heads sometimes, we look up to heaven other times, and even go outside and do these things and hear God's creation, in the form of breezes and birds, while we pray. I've shown them how to prostrate themselves before the Lord of life and glory. Prayer is so important. I love to be outside when I pray...to look up to the heavens, lift my hands, and praise the One who is worthy. But never can I see so clearly than when on my face, prostrate before my God, in the throneroom of grace and mercy!! So that is where I headed as soon as the attacks from the enemy came. I was in tears, weeping before my King, crying out to Him that I wanted NOTHING apart from His will, nothing. And I can do NOTHING in my own strength...my fears are too great. Until recently, I've been too afraid to speak out concerning the truths of God. God is growing me and strengthening me, and calling me to be faithful to His word. Obedience to where He is leading me, no matter what He chooses, when it comes to proclaiming the truths that He has taught me over the last 6 1/2 years, no matter how hard those truths may be, is where I am in my walk with my Master. So through my cries for help in discerning His will for my writing, He brought to mind something I heard singer Jeremy Camp talk about. Jeremy said that in starting to write songs for his new CD, he prayed and told God that he wanted to write songs that would bless people's hearts. And God responded back to him: "Jeremy, I want you to write songs that bless MY heart". And so he did. Look at how much those songs written to bless the heart of Jehovah God blesses the hearts of His people!! Yes, Lord, I understand. Write things that YOU lay on my heart. Write to You, write for You. You and You alone know what is Your sovereign plan for who sees this, whom you bless and grow through this...even just me, Lord. I'm reminded of one of the emails that I wrote to my teachers and helper in my Sunday school class. I wrote concerning what they do in the classroom, in their service to Jesus...how their hearts need to be prepared every week before the day begins..how Jesus sees into their hearts and knows if what they are doing is for HIS glory..and on and on I wrote about these kind of things to them, thinking it was for THEIR spiritual growth, since it was obviously from the Lord...I certainly can't write like that in my own flesh. But then, the next Sunday as I prepared to leave for church, for some reason (God's reason) I reread my own email. The tears started to flow, and my hands found their way into the air...praising my Master and King!! Those words may have been written for my teachers to some extent, but the Lord showed me who they were ultimately written for....ME. I knew I hadn't written the email myself because my flesh is wicked and my heart can't even get wrapped around the things of God sometimes. So my Master confirmed it for me that morning...yes indeed, it was HIM that wrote that email, and He wrote it to ME...the one so unworthy of His love and His many blessings...but I always was and always will be! Yes Lord, I will write. And thank you Lord, for what you are planning to say to ME, your humbled slave.

And so it begins

It's been a long time coming. I didn't know that Oct. 20, 2009 would be the day, or even if there ever would be a day at all. I had not, until now, gotten an answer from my Master. The journey started on April 6, 2003. That was the day that I, being drawn by the Holy Spirit, recognized my sinful life, and my need for a Savior. That was the day I told God that I longed for forgiveness. That was the day that I was forgiven...that very moment...washed by the precious blood of Jesus Christ. Hallelujah!! And so, at that very hour, the journey began. It wasn't until about two years later that I prayed for the first time about the possibility of writing something that would bring Him glory. I've never stopped praying that prayer..."God only if it's YOUR will". And now the answer has come.."Yes, you will write." I was hardly prepared for the answer, even though it has been a continual prayer. I've always had an audience...an audience of one! I love to talk and tell of the things of God when alone...OUTLOUD even! And I almost always listen. And then God blessed me with the honor of being able to disciple my son, who is now also walking with the Lord. And so my audience grew. God started putting individual people in my life to witness and minister to. Then came the call to teach Sunday school kindergarten. That floored me because I wanted to teach women the word of God, about not living a life of "Christianity Lite". But after a year of tuning God out with His call for children's ministry, I obeyed with, I'm ashamed to say, little joy at first and much trepidation, along with a great amount of disappointment. "God, what about all the ways you've grown me over the last few years? Don't you want me to share that with ADULTS, on a larger scale, since all these truths are YOUR truths, Lord? Don't you want the masses to know, Lord? There's certainly enough false teachers leading the masses astray!" Wow, such wickedness on my part...such pride, stubborn and hard heart, thinking I knew best, lack of trust...on and on I could go. But God is so patient, so loving, and He soon changed my heart completely! Dana, just trust in the Lord, rest in the Lord, wait patiently on the Lord, serve the Lord faithfully in WHATEVER He calls you to. And do it with all joy. God had a plan, still does. His timing is perfect. The answer was never "no" about writing, it was always "wait". And this blog is the outlet He has chosen for me to tell of His goodness and mercy, His love and faithfulness. And so, the journey begins. Thank you Adoni. May it be a sweet smelling aroma. May it honor You, and bring glory to your holy Name.