Racial Reconciliation, Part 2

I ask that if you haven't read my previous post on racial reconciliation, you stop right here and read it first. It is very relevant to this post which continues a wonderful story of God's grace and mercy.

I went to church again this Sunday night at Downtown Presbyterian. The church met for the very first time last Sunday night, and I praise God that He lead me there. My church, Fellowship Memphis, doesn't have Sunday evening service, so I went to DP. The pastor's name is Richard Rieves. Wow, is he being used mightily by the Lord! I've known Richard many years, not very well, but known him. He and his wife are friends with my oldest brother and his wife. In fact, my brother and his family still attend a church that Richard planted here several years ago. God moved Richard to other parts of the country to plant other churches, and now has brought him back to Memphis. God's will was for Richard to start a church downtown, and it happens to be on the same street where I live. Richard and I are FB friends, and he put out the word that he would love for everyone to come and be a part of what God is doing in downtown and throughout Memphis. I prayed about it, and went last week. Then they had a luncheon Thursday, and an African American man of God by the name of Elliot Greene was the guest speaker. I went to that, and went again to church tonight for the second week. I've spent time saying all of this for a reason.

Before I went to lunch Thursday, I had no idea that Elliot Greene was African American. I know that I had been really charged up in my heart and spirit when I heard Richard talk about Elliot last Sunday night, in preparation for Thursday. All I knew was that I surely didn't want to miss it. (Elliot is devoted to Jesus Christ, and it is evident in everything about him.) Almost every man in the room was white. It took several minutes before we got started. As I was sitting at the table during that time, waiting for things to get underway, I played a little game with myself. I started studying every male in the room, looking at their mannerisms, their dress, smiles, body language, and trying to figure out which one was this great man of God that Richard had spoken so highly of. I have to confess, and I am so very ashamed to say it, but it NEVER crossed my mind that one of the two or three African American gentlemen present in the room could be Elliot Greene! Really and truly, it never even crossed my mind. Even with as much as God has done in my heart, my natural self never even gave those two or three men a thought about being the one who was going to spiritually feed me. WOW! You know, as much as that probably sickens, grieves and angers you, it sickens, grieves and SHOCKS me that I wasn't even aware of my discounting him until I learned who he was. While standing in line to get my plate, I was talking to Rachael, Richard's wife. And I actually said to her, "Which one is he, because I've been looking at all these men, trying to see if I could figure out which one he was." She said, "There he is, right there." And she pointed to the African American man standing about 15 feet from me. I have to say that I am so thankful that I didn't have to wear my shock on the outside of me, or that there wasn't some kind of external feeling and emotion detector, because I would have been mortified! My shame of that instant reaction in my heart was horrible. It was horrible! It's one of the worst feelings I have had in a very long time. And it is because God has been so graciously breaking my heart over my sin of prejudice. God put it right in my face, and showed me, once again, my need for His grace, every single minute of every single day, in every situation, to kill this sin inside of me...this sin that crucified my precious Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ!

Maybe the shock did show on my face, I don't know. I had to turn away from Rachael in order to see who she was pointing to. I don't know what was going on with my face but I know that my emotions roared through my mind, heart, and spirit like a freight train. The reactions were all split second, rapid fire succession. And I don't even know if I am aware of all of them. I do know that the first reaction was shock. After hearing Elliot's bio on the Sunday night before, I knew that this man was a spiritual giant! He has done so much, and continues to do so much for the Lord. He is truly one of the great servants of Jesus in our time. (You should check him out.) Anyway, after the shock came disbelief and yes, disappointment, along the same lines of Crawford Loritts, just like before, only very brief this time because of all that God is doing to change my wicked heart. But it was still there. I am so ashamed, and even a little apprehensive in admitting it. I know I run the risk of being hated for what I am revealing about my sin. I only pray that whatever the results, God will be glorified!

Conviction, loving but firm from the Holy Spirit was next. God put my sin in plain view of my mind, my heart, soul and spirit. He showed me the ugly image coming from the very core of my being. It was heinous, hideous, filthy wickedness! Then the grief followed....unspeakable grief. How could my heart be so evil, so dirty and wretched?!! How could I have such horrible pride living on the inside of me, the same body where the Holy Spirit of Jehovah God dwells? Who am I? Nothing! Nobody! Could it really be me? Could I really be that wretched? Yes, I could and I am. Even now, as the tears flow while typing, I am so grieved and ashamed. I don't want it to be me, but it is.

When the Holy Spirit is having His way with me, there is nothing in me that wants to draw conclusions based on what color I see when I look at someone else. There is nothing in me that wants to see anything that would divide me from my brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter what that might be. There are so many ways that the body of Christ can divide instead of unite, just by our color or nationality. We do divide in so many different ways, even down to splitting over what kind of music should be played during worship. Or even Christians who have anger, bitterness, and resentment towards their brother or sister in Christ who takes "their" seat at church on Sunday morning. And when I hear of someone like that, I wag my spiritual finger and get disgusted. But what do you think the Lord of life and glory sees when He looks inside of MY dark, sinful heart? Yet He is merciful to me. His grace and His mercy, His patience and His love ABOUND to me! Beloved, the grief and repentance that followed this sin, and every sin I commit, IS FROM HIM!! It's not from me. His grace, His grace, His grace. It is all from Him if I am broken over my sin. It is all His work in me, if I want no part of my sin nature. He is the One who imparts in me the never-ending desire to be like my Jesus! It's not me, beloved, it's not me. I'm not capable. If left to myself, I would revel in my prejudice. I would justify it with a million different reasons that I have collected and stored away through the years, concerning the African American race. I praise God for breaking my heart, and for doing WHATEVER He has to do to kill that iniquity inside me. I have nurtured this wicked sin for far too long in my life. Now, the Holy Spirit of God tells me that it is time to have no pity on it. I can't rationalize it away, and I will not justify it. Through the work of Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit, it HAS to die. No matter what, it has to die. Oh most holy, merciful Father, crush me, break me, whatever it takes to make me like my Lord Jesus Christ. And be GLORIFIED Lord, be magnified! How I love You, oh how I love You! (Please read parts 1 & 3)