And so it continues

As my FB friends know, I have been working many hours and haven't written a single word since December 27, and today is January 18. Three weeks have gone by since my last post. I have told God all along, in the short time since He commissioned me to write, that this is HIS blog, not mine. It belongs to Him completely. I don't want it, I don't want to write a single word outside of His will and plan. I am on my face, prostrate before my God, every single time, before even attempting to write the first sentence, seeking His face, His heart.
I have been praying the last few weeks, telling God that if He has said all He wants, through me by this means, that I would gladly and willingly close this chapter in serving Him. What would be the point in writing for God if it isn't willed and directed by Him? Wouldn't that make it just for myself, if I continued where He didn't command? If I walked where He didn't lead me? And wouldn't I be going in my own strength if I tried to go on where He had put up a stop sign? Who am I to try to know God's heart, mind, and plan for this blog? It came as a shock to me from the very beginning. Although I had previously prayed about writing something, in some form, I didn't know His answer would come like it did, and in the form that it did. I have been praying so fervently about being a missionary in an underprivileged country for the most part, in my "desires of my heart" prayers. Writing was something that hadn't even come up in my prayer for quite some time. It was such a delightful surprise when my God told me that I would, in fact, start writing. And I truly began with no expectations, no game plan. Nothing was thought out. I didn't even know where to begin. I am so extremely computer illiterate, I couldn't even imagine that I would be able to know how to click on a site to set up a blog, much less what I would say once it was set up. Boy, there is nothing better in this whole wide world than turning everything over to the One who spoke and created the heavens and the earth! There was no fret in me, like normal, when I have to do anything on the computer beside turning it on and shutting it off. I knew this was a God thing, so He was in control. I was just going where He lead me. He did it all. And once the blog began, I just turned to Him from entry to entry, asking for His will, His heart, all for His glory. I haven't concerned myself with what He wanted to say, or when He would decide that this blogging was finished. I never know when an entry will be my last one. I don't know His plans. Before I even started, what if He only wanted one entry? What if there were only one person in this whole world who was intended by God to see one line in that one entry? And then He was done, and moved me on to something else? What if there were only 2 people, and there were only to be 5 entries? If you have read any of my posts, you know I have written on abortion, the murder of babies. What if there were only one young girl, who that very day had an abortion scheduled, and God, in His infinite love, grace, and mercy, wanted to tell her something that would touch her heart to not kill her baby? And after that He had said to me, "Dana, My servant, you won't be writing anymore. Now I have something else planned for you in serving Me." Would I stomp my feet, or get my feelings hurt, be disappointed or angry? If I had any other reaction than a delightful, "Yes, my Lord. And thank You, holy God, for Your words through me.", then wouldn't I have been doing this blog for all the wrong reasons, with a completely wrong heart? Yes. My motives would have been sinful, because if my motives and reasons for writing were anything besides obedience to my King, and wanting only His will, for His glory, then sin would have been in play. It would have been done for something for myself, instead of all for my Master and King. The ways of serving my God are limitless, for He is an infinite God, with all knowledge and power. As His child, He could place me anywhere on this entire GLOBE, doing any one of a million plus different things to serve Him. Do I want to pick and choose my service to the King of kings and Lord of lords? No way! Do I want to let HIM choose, from His perfect omniscient, sovereign plan, no matter what that may be? YES!! Yes, Lord, whatever You will, whatever Your plan, YES!!
I have prayed in these last three weeks. I have told Him that I know, no matter what my schedule looks like, that if He wanted me to write, He would give me the strength to do it. He would give me the time and energy, and the words on His heart. I have joyously waited on the Lord during this time, seeking His face on this, His blog. And if it was a closed chapter, so be it. It takes all the worry and fret out of serving the Lord, when you wait on Him, and when you obey Him with all your heart, wanting only what HE wants for your life. Even at the beginning of this weekend, when I knew I had some free time, I still didn't know if He would have me write. And during this weekend, He never affirmed to me that the blog would continue. He had me so absorbed in His word, and had me feeding on the preaching and teaching of other servants of His. He grew me so much these last three days, growing in the Lord! Growing in grace and knowledge. He lead me to some incredible sermons to listen to, and affirmed in me His desire to reach the city of Memphis, TN for the gospel. He solidified in my heart, His heart for His children in Memphis to be a biblical model for diversity, for racial reconciliation and racial harmony. The bible tells us, like in Revelation 5:9 and 7:9, that there will be people from every tribe, every nation, and every tongue in heaven, praising and worshipping the King together forever! And He wants His children here in Memphis involved in bringing about harmony amongst His peoples, here in this great city. He desires for us to take the gospel of Christ to everyone, for the kingdom, for His honor and glory, and for the good of Memphis. And it won't stop there! He affirmed to me that He indeed has more plans for me, and He wanted me to spend much time this weekend in further equipping. I gladly obeyed, not giving a care to writing.
And then, at 4:30 in the morning on this very day of January 18, 2010, He spoke to me, kind of like He did on the first day of this blog, and said, once again, "You will write." So, not knowing how often they will come, and what they will be pertaining to, except the fact that they will be from Him and for His purposes, we continue, He and I. Thank You, gracious Father, loving Savior, Holy Spirit, my Teacher and Guide. May You truly be glorified!